This bridge saved my life. Of course, it truly didn’t do anything out of the ordinary other than provide a dry path over the little stream that trickled beneath it, but it was a life changing force at a desperate time.
I was transitioning out of a long term relationship and found running to be my escape, my rescuer, my best friend. I would break free into the small park near my house and lose myself on the twisted, uneven trails. But inevitably, I would leave the park over this same foot bridge, always pausing to pick up a leaf and drop it into the water, watching to see how far it would travel before being lodged between rocks or stranded on mossy, tangled branches. It never made it very far. And each day I would hope that the leaf I picked would miraculously jump through the clutter and break free in the flow, but it was always stopped, unable to go any further.
At some point, I began to relate the journey of those leaves to my life. I was stuck in my transition, still finding myself caught up in ugly webs of frustration, anger, and loss. Like so many other times in my life, change was hard and there was resistance, holding me back from sailing free and finding new ways to live my same old life.
Sometime in the spring, when the waters ran swift and deep, a leaf finally broke free, rounding the bend in the stream and out of my sight. I was elated and then in the next moment, I knew what that meant for me. It was time to move forward.
Finding and listening to the signs around us, as well as listening to the voice within, is a gutsy challenge. After twenty-nine years as a school counselor in the same district, I find myself facing unexpected professional challenges. While I am told that my perspective is valuable, I am also viewed as an obstacle to change when I extrapolate problem areas from new mandates or initiatives. With conflicting feedback, I sense that I am standing on the threshold of a professional remodeling. The change may be behavioral or just in my own mental approach, but nevertheless, it will demand my respect and attention to confront these changes with deliberate intention. Some days I will be an obstacle, challenging the constant pushing and nudging of change with questions that are born from experience and insight. On other days, I will be like the water, aiding in the forward flow, uninhibited by any obstacles in sight. Both roles are necessary for progress and I now find myself able to audition for all. Dinosaurs may be old, but their vision is multi dimensional. It is a new and curious place to be, but feels seriously misunderstood by educational leaders who are pushing new mandates. Time and experience are on my side, however, so I know I’ll work it through. But if you’ll excuse me now, I have some more paths to run and leaves to find.
forwardreflections 